It’s been a while! For those of you that have stopped by over the past year and eight months in my absence, thank you so much.
Thank you for checking in on me. Thank you for taking the time to read my work. Whether it was your first time here or whether you are a regular reader, I really do appreciate you all.
Okay, so let’s get to it. Where have I been and why did I leave my blog for so long? Well…
I really needed a break. After being quite active in certain Accutane side effects facebook groups, I began to feel completely overwhelmed. The pain of hearing about other people’s negative experiences was destroying me. I am an absolute empath and although I tried to protect myself, I couldn’t separate other people’s pain from my own. This 1. Made me deeply upset and 2. Impaired my personal healing. One day I just freaked out and stopped reading my direct messages and emails. I closed the door on this site and gave more attention to my personal life. This included continuing to focus on healing my own body (although I am feeling WAY better than a few years ago, I am still a work in progress.)
Some really beautiful and unexpected things came into my life. I’ll save this story for another day but the synopsis is as follows: 1. I found poetry and it changed my life and 2. I fell in love and it changed my life. Sometimes illness grips you so tight that you feel as though the life is being squeezed right out of you. Your identity becomes that of an ‘ill person.’ People begin to treat you differently because you keep complaining that you ‘just don’t feel right’ or you can’t make it to dinner and drinks on Saturday night. It takes a huge toll on family, friends and loved ones. You become obsessed. I had become obsessed. And why wouldn’t I be? Health is truly wealth and when you don’t have it, you literally feel like you would do anything to get it back. This mindset brings both positive and negative consequences. The positive being, It enables you to become empowered. You start reading and researching and chatting to others in similar positions (thanks social media.) Taking your health into your own hands can be the best thing that ever happened but it requires tools and time. It requires trusting your intuition and researching different topics of information in great detail before making an informed decision that feels right for you in that moment. On the flip side, this practice of reading into things can lead you down some very dark and lonely rabbit holes. Trust me, I’ve been there and they were deeper an darker than I could have ever imagined. You can become so consumed by how you feel and what you should/ shouldn’t be doing and usually end up doubting if you’ll ever be well again. You literally become your illnesss.
Love and some incredible people helped me to remember that I am still me. I am Rebecca. Not Rebecca who’s ill or Rebecca who took Accutane, or Rebecca who is getting better.
I am just REBECCA.
This deep realisation has helped me enormously. You must never lose yourself in your illness. You are not your breakouts, you are not your joint pain, you are not your fever, you are not your depression, you are not your dry eyes. You are not your thinning hair. You are not a symptom.
You are still you and you, yes you, are beautiful and wonderful and so full of light and potential and hope.
You are full of hope.
Hold the hope and keep pushing through because as long as you still have breath in your lungs and blood in your veins, you can do this. You can overcome all of this.
Basically, in my time away from the blog I remembered that I am more than what happened to me and I decided to reclaim my power. I have listened to my intuition and have made some fantastic choices and progress (and some not so good ones.) I have learned so much and I am still here.
Overall, I am doing so much better than every other year since I became ill. Even since the last time I spoke to you all. I’m still facing challenges but I’m back to share what I have learned over the last few months. I made huge progress with eating a certain way, then I gave up and ate crap and got sick again (only human.) I faced personal stress, I fell in love, I found a new passion and I moved cities and back again.
I have so much to talk to you about and I’m super excited! Even when I tried to take a break, I was inundated with messages. I truly feel as though this is my calling and I refuse to let a seemingly dark situation dim my light. I am here with you all. Through my struggle, the good times and the healing. I am next to you on your journey. I get it. I get how tough it can be. I really do.
I believe in you.
Back soon with posts on my current way of eating, life chats, mess ups etc.
With love and blessings,